What the heck is solo polyamory? An overview

Emily Ratajkowski is in her solo poly era, and you could be, too. If we’re to believe TikTok, where the model, author and actress lip-synced to a trending Haley Lu Richardson audio from The White Lotus, EmRata is living her best unattached and unbothered life. 

“I would be with multiple men,” she recites. “I would be with also some women as well. Uhm, everyone’s hot. But in an interesting way.” Honestly, same, girl. 

As we head into Valentine’s Day, who says couples ––and as a result, monogamy–– should be the only ones stealing the spotlight? We believe that everyone who ascribes to a less defined relationship model deserves better. 

So, what the heck is solo polyamory, and why is everyone talking about it? Let’s find out!

Solo polyamory: an overview

Solo polyamory is a type of ethical non-monogamy in which someone engages in romantic and sexual relationships while remaining committed to remaining their own primary partner. 

It’s not just keeping things casual, and it’s definitely not about misleading or deceiving any potential romantic interests. Instead, a solo poly lifestyle is an active choice and a way to prioritize independence and self-love while getting your physical needs met. 

As we’ve covered before, the chemicals released during sex ensure that it’s a throbbing cocktail of mindblowing highs making us feel great. Which is why, as long as it’s consensual, loving, and fun, shagging can have a great impact on our mental health, and why anyone looking for a little bit of solo poly fun has the Roam team’s full support. Go and get your oxytocin, friends!

Solo polyamory vs. traditional polyamory

Poly, which means many, and amory, meaning love, come together to form a type of egalitarian dynamic in which each partner is free to consensually engage in multiple relationships at the same time. The key difference between an open or otherwise non-monogamous relationship, where people with a “primary” partner will usually stick to purely sex-based escapades, a polyamorous dynamic sees partners have committed, romantic relationships with more than one person. 

The ultimate solo polyamorous toolkit

Could solo polyamory be for you? Well, if you’re interested in exploring your options beyond the reductive monogamous model that society pushes above all others, you’re already on the right track. 

Do you like spending time by yourself and prioritize your own freedom over legal or institutional commitments like marriage? Do you prefer adventure and novelty to strict rules and constraints? You might fit the solo polyamorous toolkit! 

We recommend taking your time to learn about different types of ethical non-monogamy, and see which one might be right for you. Remember, as long as everyone is clear on the rules of the game, no one has to get hurt! Not only that, it might be… extra fun ––keep reading to find out why. 

Sex and solo polyamory

The thing about any type of ethical non-monogamy, including traditional polyamory and solo polyamory, is that it requires a level of maturity as well as open and honest communication. 

Do you know what else consent, safety and strong communication lead to? Amazing sex, and more orgasms!

Heterosexual women, for example, only report orgasming 65% of the time they have sex: yes, practical tips like using lots of lube and experimenting with toys are great places to start, but ultimately, what makes the biggest difference is being able to relax and feel completely at ease in bed with a partner. 

This is where chemicals come into play again. Our bodies release huge amounts of dopamine and oxytocin when we come, but we can’t quite get there if we’re already too busy releasing cortisol, known as the primary stress hormone.  

One study reports that half the women surveyed cited anxiety as the main reason they struggled to achieve orgasm, so establishing strong boundaries and feeling 100% yourself during sex can really, really help get over the edge.

Sexual wellness and sexual exploration

As a potent combination of emotional, physical and mental health, having our sexual wellness at heart can increase our confidence levels, boost energy levels, lead to more and better orgasms, and reduce tension in the body. 

Exploring different types of relationship models is great for our minds and bodies. It can lead us to trust ourselves more, and better understand our needs and wants. 

Here at Roam, we live for helping people embrace what feels best for them: solo poly might not be for you, or it might be the one model that fits you best… you won’t know until you try, so, happy exploring, Roamers!