The Ins and Outs of Backside Play

Talk

Talk to your partner before you even begin to prep before anal play. Set your expectations - have either of you done it before, how are you feeling about it, what do you both want to try? Getting on the same page is key before trying anything, so that you both have boundaries in place and are clear about what you both want to get out of the experience. There are many myths about anal sex, and it's important to address these with your partner before.

Relax

Relaxing your body and your mind before anal sex is not only ideal (as it is before any type of sex) but essential. When you're nervous or stressed, the muscles of your body (and your anus) contract and tighten, making penetration close to impossible and very painful. Taking a shower or a bath, meditating, receiving a massage from your partner or even engaging in prolonged foreplay, all help relax your body and mind before backside play.

Prep

Prep, whilst not always entirely necessary before anal play, can help put the minds at ease of those more worried about it being messy. Have a hot shower before, or a bath, and make sure you feel clean. Some prefer douching, though always educate yourself first on this before trying it.

Communicate

Communication continues when you begin to have sex too. Continuous communication throughout is key to you both having a good time. If it's going too quickly, let your partner know you'd prefer to slow down, and this works the other way around too. Voice when it feels good and when it's too much, and if you're not the one being penetrated, ask your partner throughout what feels good.

Lube up!

Because the anus has no natural lubricant like the vagina does, and because the muscles around that area can easily contract, it's vital you use lube so it feels good for both of you. Apply generous amounts of a high-quality water-based lube like our Back Lubricant, or a silicone-based lube which is often thicker. Apply to both the penetrating object, whether that's fingers, a penis or a toy, and the anus and you can add more as you go.

Start small

Begin with smaller objects, such as a well-lubricated finger or a small toy. This helps the muscles relax and get used to the sensation, so that when it's time to go for something bigger, you'll know. Even when you move onto bigger objects, or a penis, go slowly. Inching it in gradually first will feel much more pleasurable than shoving the whole thing in.

Positions, please.

The intensity of backside play is also determined by what position you try. Starting in doggy style means that it's easier to control the pace and rhythm of being penetrated, as does spooning, whilst sitting on top in cowgirl is good for enjoying the depth that backside play offers when you're ready for that.

Aftercare

Looking after your body and the body of your partner after anal sex is key. Clean the area gently and use a soothing balm or lotion to repair and protect. Take time to talk, check you're both okay and happy, and feedback to each other (this doesn't have to be too serious, remember!). Make sure you're emotionally there and available for each other, as anal play can be a very intimate thing.

There's no shame in anal play and it can be very pleasurable for many people. Taking time to fully prep before and care after, as well as communicate throughout, is key to making it a great experience for both of you!