How can I tell if someone is flirting with me?

Flirting is notoriously difficult to identify. It’s subtle by nature, or at least it can be. From the smooth seduction of Sean Connery’s “what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” to Ryan Gosling’s more direct approach in Crazy Stupid Love: “I find you very attractive. Do you find me attractive?”, there is a spectrum of obviousness. (Although the latter approach probably only works if you’re Ryan Gosling).

For the most part, however, it can be difficult to spot the signs.

Love is a guessing game

Science has spoken, and we’re only right about whether or not someone is flirting with us around a third of the time, which is a pretty drab statistic. And when trying to figure out if someone else is being flirted with, the accuracy is even less. It’s not just you - it’s difficult!

But never fear, there are ways to tell, and most of it is common sense.

1)     Body Language

That girl that has her arms defensively crossed and her body angled towards the nearest exit? She’s probably not into it. On the flip side, openness and easiness of body language are good signs. Opening their arms, using their body expressively when speaking, facing you directly: they’re on your team, for sure.

2)     On The Clock

It takes time to decide if you’re vibing with someone you’ve just met. Statistically speaking, signs that occur early on in the interaction are way less meaningful than later behaviour. Pay attention to how they act once they’ve sussed you out a bit more. If they want to lay on the moves after speaking for some time, men tend to gesture more with their hands, take up more physical space when laughing, and talk more in an effort to assert dominance. Whereas women might play more with their hair, clothes, and jewellery, and let the person they’re flirting with talk more.

3)     Deep Sea Diving

If they’re willing to touch on topics that lie beneath surface level, go ‘deep’, ask you probing questions about intimate subjects and offer similarly intimate details about themselves, it’s likely that they’re trying to connect with you. If that convo flows: ding ding ding!

4)     All Eyes On You

If they’re paying attention to you and only you: maintaining eye contact, engaging you more than others in a group setting, looking at you, moving closer to you, they’re making an effort to observe and show you that it’s happening.

The Big 'But'

All of this behaviour can happen, and it still might not be flirting. As annoying as it is, there is no absolute rulebook or fool-proof code when it comes to flirting. You may have just bumped into the friendliest, most communicative person on the planet who has no romantic interest in you while still displaying all the tell-tale signs of seduction. The truth is, the signs aren’t all that tell-tale. Don’t get too caught up in trying to decipher flirtatiousness, and ask them instead. Rejection isn’t a bad thing, and as long as you’re aware and receptive to other people’s signals, and open to the idea that they might not be interested like that, there’s nothing to lose! As Wayne Gretzky rightly said, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. When it comes to flirting, truer words were never spoken.

Love,

The Roam Team x